When anxiety first made it’s big appearance 4 years ago, it was probably a long time coming. It was in the early hours of Sunday morning, and I’d been up all night partying and consuming various, ahem, substances.
It was at a friends house and we were all high, care-free, and consuming what can only be described a a cocktail of party drugs; ecstasy, ketamine, NOS, weed, cocaine, and lord knows what else. Under some peer pressure, I sniffed a big line of ‘CK’, ketamine mixed with cocaine. The idea is that while the ketamine tranquilizes you and sends you to a bizzare, spaced out universe, the cocaine kicks in to keep you alert and energized.
Well that was the last thing I remember and what turned out to be a turning point in my life. What ensued can only really be described as hell. I resisted the trip, and was dragged through pure horror for what felt like an eternity. I went through a complete psychotic breakdown and knew things would never be the same again.
After some amount of time (I have no idea how long, perhaps an hour or two), I came to consciousness and, although I was still hallucinating, I was coming back to reality. Over the following hours, days and weeks the trip began to fade away, leaving me with a terrifying sense of anxiety, confusion and impending doom. I was in a crisis and this is where my struggle really took over my life.